We Are the Stories We Sell Ourselves

By Wendy Terwelp, Author, Speaker, Executive Coach

“Who are we but the stories we tell ourselves, about ourselves, and believe?” —Scott Turow, “Ordinary Heroes.”

In fact, we sell ourselves on these stories, even when they are not true, are outdated, unfounded, and easily rewritten. And these negative stories can be tremendously detrimental to our careers.

What do these stories sound like?

I’m too… busy, overqualified, under-qualified, old, young, shy, ashamed I lost my job…

I can’t because… it’s not the right time, I’m not ready, I won’t know anyone, my childhood was terrible, I have health issues, I can’t afford it, I’m a CEO and it’s uncomfortable for me to ask for help…

They… won’t let me, won’t reimburse me, said I couldn’t, said so, said it’s not in the budget, said I’m too…

Do any of these phrases resonate with you?

Take a closer look at what’s impeding your progress. How real are these stories you’re selling yourself? Are they still relevant? What is the real truth?

Break them down and kick these stories you’ve sold yourself to the curb.

Uncover the truth.

One executive told me she couldn’t get advanced training because “they won’t let me.”

“What’s the real truth?” I asked her. “They won’t let me” was not the truth because, as I’d coached others at her company who had earned advanced degrees.

“I don’t have the time and they won’t reimburse me,” she said.

“How bad do you want it?” I asked. This training would benefit my client’s ultimate career goal and add leverage toward a promotion.

She thought about things for a while and said, “You’re right. I really do want it. I guess I can make the time and I can write off the training on my taxes, so I’m really not out that much.”

Bottom line, my client made the choice to earn the new designation and, through our coaching work, won a promotion and salary bump with her current employer.

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson

Our stories, and how we believe in them, can hold us back or drive us forward.

An engineer was downsized after 20+ years. It was devastating and he was angry about the situation. Additionally, relatives told him he was too old and shouldn’t have too high of expectations in getting another management job at his age.

Through our coaching work, he decided it was best to move forward, leaving anger and resentment behind.

He was less concerned than his relatives were about his age, and the action step was to see those relatives less often, while in career search mode. His new attitude and proactive approach enabled him to dive in and learn new ways to search for a new gig. He got more comfortable with social media and made many connections on LinkedIn. He also picked up the phone and revived his network.

Result? He landed several interviews — and offers. He could choose which offer to accept. He chose a role that was not only a higher-level position and salary than before, but the new employer, a global company, offered him more opportunities for ongoing career growth.

Despite what happened to us in our past, we are still here.

We can rewrite our stories.

In “How to Rewire Your Brain for Success,” author Geoffrey James wrote, “Rather than video playback, human memory is more like video editing. When you remember something you are recreating, changing, and re-memorizing. The memory is subject to change every time you remember it.”

That means you can edit your bad memories and strengthen your good memories. You can rewrite your stories.

Two ways to start building your new stories: 1) Keep a career success journal or “Me File.” Start tracking your hits – both personal and professional. 2) Track what you are thankful and grateful for each day. Some days it might be as simple as, “I’m thankful I woke up on time today – High Five! No snooze button.” Other days it might be, “Wow! I am so grateful I got rave reviews after my Zoom presentation today!” Identify and document at least one hit/success and one grateful/thankful-for item each day. (More is better.)

Work on creating your new story, a story that reflects how you wish to be known now. You’ve got this!

——

© 2014 – 2021 Wendy Terwelp | All rights reserved. | Wendy Terwelp is the founder of Opportunity Knocks and author of Rock Your Network®. She was named one of Quintessential Careers’ Top 15 Career Masterminds and her Infoline, “Jumpstart Your Job Search and Get Hired Faster” was included in the Association for Talent Development’s “Best on Career Development” anthology. Wendy was also named in Inc. magazine’s “Top 10 Career Helps.” Are you ready for your next big gig? Want to up-level your career? Reach out to Wendy at www.knocks.com/coaching today!

A version of this article first appeared in Quintessential Career’s 2014 Job Action Day.

How to Remember Names

One of your favorite tunes just popped up on your music stream.

You’re singing along loudly. But you cannot for the life of you remember who sings that song, and it is driving you nuts.

All you’re trying to recall is a name.

The same thing can happen at networking events and when networking online. Group Zoom or breakout rooms anyone?

You remember her face, you think, but the name escapes you. And she is not wearing a name tag. Or you met through a Zoom event only this person had no video and shared only their first name on the screen. Shoot!

What s in a name? It’s the one word that’s music to your listener’s ears. If you’re great with faces but have a tough time remembering names. Here are some steps you can take to help make remembering names easier for you:

 

Introduce yourself first.

Use your first and last name. The person you re connecting with is probably having a tough time remembering your name too. Introducing yourself first will put him or her at ease.

 

Listen for, and repeat, the name.

You’ve given him your name, now it’s time to remember his. Listen for it. The reason most of us immediately forget other’s names is that we weren’t really paying attention in the first place.

For example, “Hi! I’m Wendy Terwelp, nice to meet you. And you are?”

“I’m Bob Smith, likewise,” says Bob.

Repeat the name immediately. Repeat it aloud if you are meeting someone, “Bob Smith? Great! What brings you to this event, Bob?”

Do not over-repeat. I once went to a networking event, and someone must have heard this tip. I think he said my name at least three or four times in a short amount of time.

It sounded like this, “Wendy, great to meet you Wendy. How s everything going, Wendy?”

I thought to myself, “Now that was a bit over the top.”

If you’re in a meeting where everyone is introducing themselves, repeat the name to yourself silently.

 

Anchor the name by attaching a physical action.

A firm handshake is perfect if the interaction is personal, but if you are simply listening to a round of introductions, spell out the person’s name with the forefinger of your writing hand in the palm of your other hand as you mentally repeat the name to yourself.

During meetings, I m a big note taker, so I’ll often write down people’s names if I am at a group meeting or participating in a group Zoom call or webcast. Writing the name helps me remember, plus I’ll make a note about the person, what they do (if it’s mentioned), what company they work for, and so on. This helps me reconnect with them later.

“Bob, great to see you again. How s everything going for you at ACME?”

 

Review all the names.

Mentally recall each new person during introductions. If there are more than 20 people, keep reviewing the most recent 20 people’s names as the introductions continue. If you are interacting with one person, use that person’s name several times, but don t be too obvious.

Another technique in reviewing a person’s name is to introduce that person to others.

For example, “Bob, have you met Janet? Janet, this is Bob Smith.”
 

Associate the names.

Alliteration is especially helpful for large groups or if more than one person has the same first name. Barbara in blue, Mary the mortgage broker, or Frank the financial planner can help you remember who is who.

I’ve also associated a person’s name with someone famous, “Oh Justin, like Justin Timberlake? Great to meet you.” “Ruth, like notorious RBG? Cool. Great to meet you.”

During your brief conversation you may discover interesting facts. Put this on the back of the person’s business card. For example, Mary speaks seven languages. Ramona used to be a professional juggler!

If you don’t get a business card or this is an online networking event, you can make a note on a notepad (writing helps with retention) or in your smartphone’s notepad section. You can also connect later via LinkedIn and mention what you learned in your personalized invitation to connect.

“Hi Jean, great to meet you at the BBB online networking event today! Fun to hear about your business and interest in live music concerts. Let’s connect here on LinkedIn and keep the conversation going.”

 

Follow up.

If you make promises to others during your networking event or meeting it is important to follow up promptly. If you promised to send them an article on their topic of interest, jot that down on their business card or in your notes, then do it the next day.

 

Coaching Challenge:

Time to test out your name recall techniques. Schedule your next networking event or Zoom group meeting and use the tips to ensure you remember attendees’ names for fast and easy follow up.

Share in the comments! What’s one of your best tips for remembering names?

© 1998 – 2021 Wendy Terwelp | Opportunity Knocks of Wisconsin, LLC | All rights reserved. | Excerpt from Rock Your Network®.

 

Personal Brands are Portable

“No matter where you go, there you are.” —The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension (motion picture) (1984).

And everywhere you go, your online reputation follows.

If you haven’t searched your name online recently, do so. Put your name in quotes, like this “Wendy Terwelp,” to narrow the search parameters.

Next, use these questions to assess your online brand and visibility:

Your Social Media Profiles: Have you chosen the right social media networks for your target audience? Do your social media profiles contain a current professional photo, your one word that represents you, and a clear brand story about your background and experience? Does your profile pop with your personality?

Your Network: Who’s in your network? And who needs to know about you? Invite those who are a fit for your current goals. And those whom you’re confident in referring to others. Is it time to review and prune some of your current connections? Your network reflects your personal brand.

Your Thought Leadership: TED talks say “ideas worth sharing.” Are yours? Review the content you’re sharing. Is it relevant to your goals and helpful to your network and target audience?

Your Personal Brand Hub: If you haven’t done so already, grab your name as a domain. This way you can create and curate content about you in a personal brand hub. When people search on your name, this on-brand content will rise to the top of the search.

Time Savers: Maintaining a highly visible brand online doesn’t have to be time consuming. You can repurpose your content. If you’ve written an article or blog post, use quotes from it in other social media, like Twitter or LinkedIn, and include a link to your post. Take advantage of tools like Hootsuite to schedule posts in advance for consistency. And keep the conversation going by addressing responses in real time.

I invite you to share your results in the comments.

And if you’d like help in up-leveling your brand online, let’s talk!

©2018 Wendy Terwelp | All rights reserved.

Five Moves to Rock Your Network® Online

Editor’s note: updated May 2019

How do you leverage social media to network effectively and stay top of mind? Check out these five rock star moves to get connected, get known, and make your network thrive:

1. Pick Three: With so many social media networks to choose from, I recommend picking three so you can manage them well. For career and business development, I recommend: LinkedIn, Twitter, and Facebook. As of 2019, LinkedIn has more than 610 million members, Twitter has more than 326 million users, and Facebook topped 2.38 billion.

2. Create a branded bio: Tell a story in your social networking bios. Let your personality pop. Don’t regurgitate your resume information or company bio. Know that chemistry helps you land and KEEP new clients and jobs. Likability counts, be interesting.

3. Know what you want: When you start networking online, it’s important to know what you want from the activity. If you want new clients, be sure your profile is on brand, up to date, professional, personal, and communicates your value and scope of practice. Have a professional, current headshot. For #LinkedIn, add a custom background image or color as well.

4. Join a group: Know that in order to make the most of an online group, you’ve got to take an active role. If you’ve got a business, join groups where your ideal clients will be, including niche and specialty groups. For job seekers, find out where your ideal employers hang out and join those groups. People like to do business with those having similar values, backgrounds, and experiences.

5. Be relevant and add value: Social networking gives you a chance to demonstrate your thought leadership and set yourself apart from your competition. As an executive and leader in your profession, it is even more critical to demonstrate your expertise online.

Take Action: Review your current social networks and identify at least three action items from the above list you can implement immediately. Schedule time to effectively manage your online network and communicate with your contacts regularly. It only takes minutes a day to fuel your network and fire it up!™ That way, your network is there for you when you need it.

Grab your free social media action plan here!

© 2006 – 2019 | Wendy J. Terwelp | All rights reserved.

Martin Moore: Taking the Leap, from Side Hustle to Dream Gig

I met Martin Moore Martin Moore  at a networking event and when he shared his story of career transformation with me, I knew my readers would want to hear about how he did it. Moore transformed his career at age 37 from auto mechanic to content developer for Koss Headphones. In this role, he shoots and edits all commercials and photos for Koss and manages their social media, blog, email, marketing campaigns (print and digital), and website UI/UX. He also leads Koss’ new Ambassador Program. Moore and I talked about what inspired him to change careers, what got him interested in content development, how he made the transition from side hustle to full-time gig, and his best career advice for others wanting to transform their careers.

Wendy Terwelp: What inspired you to make your career transition, and what age were you?

Martin Moore: My favorite quote is by actress Mae West, who said: “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

Every day when I wake up, I try to approach the day with that mantra. To make every day count.

I’ve always been two things, a creator and an entertainer. Whether it was doing magic when I was a kid, playing music as a young adult or photography and filmmaking today; creating, making, entertaining people… that is what I love, that is what completes me.

Up until this past year, creating has never been a career for me. At best it’s been a side hustle, at worst an unattainable dream. Every time I looked at my life, where I was and where I wanted to be, there was this huge dichotomy between my reality and my dreams. Every time I thought about taking a chance on perusing my dream of doing photography and video full time, I would be so afraid at the thought of failing, that I would never take the chance.

Around 2014, when I was 34, my career as an auto mechanic was failing. Epiphany is the only word I can use to describe the feeling the rushed through me. I finally reached the point where I wasn’t afraid anymore. I asked myself, “Why are you constantly afraid of failing at trying to do something you love, when you can just as easily fail at doing something you don’t love?” Which, as it turns out, was my current situation at the time.

So, to answer the question “What inspired me to change my career?” The tangible possibility that I could leave my shitty job as an auto mechanic and do what I really loved for a living.

Martin Moore Milwaukee Vlogger Photographer Koss Headphones

Terwelp: How were you able to transition from mechanic to content developer and brand evangelist for Koss while you were working full time?

Moore: Work. Work. Work. And work.

Now this is a super cliché answer, but there is a reason why it’s the same answer anyone who’s ever accomplished anything gives, because it’s true. For me, going from an Auto Mechanic to Content Developer for Koss Headphones was a drastic career change. I cannot convey in words how drastically different every aspect of my career life is now.

In 1997 when I was 17, I started changing oil at Jiffy Lube. In 1999, after one year of college, I dropped out to start working for Honda as a technician. I spent the next 20 years working a job I was good at, I enjoyed, and most importantly made good money doing.

As the car industry started changing, so did my career as a technician. The culture became frustrating. I was making less and less money. But worst of all, I was watching my pride for what I did slowly evaporate. I hated working on cars, and it was around 2014 when I looked myself in the mirror and said, “You’ve got two choices, get out now while you still can or keep working a job you hate until you’re 64.”

Martin Moore Milwaukee Vlogger Photographer Koss Headphones

“I don’t have to tell anyone who has changed careers, started a business or followed their dream, that in doing so, it tests everything you ever thought you knew about yourself.”—Martin Moore

So, it was around 2014 when I decided I was done. I wanted to shoot photos and make videos for a living. I didn’t know how I was going to do it, I just knew that I would.

For the next three years, 365 days a year, my life went as followed:

  • Wake up at 5:30 a.m.
  • Get downtown by 6:30 a.m. to record beginning of vlog (vlog is a video blog)
  • Start day job at 8:00 a.m.
  • Change out of work clothes on lunch break record middle of vlog
  • Change back into work clothes, work until 5:00 p.m.
  • Go back downtown by 5:30 p.m. finish recording vlog
  • Get home by 7:00 p.m.
  • Edit vlog until 1:30 a.m. and upload
  • Wake up at 5:30 and repeat.

At the same time, I ran my photography/video business shooting weddings, events, and commercial work. I went to meetings, networking events, and was actively social networking — all while working my 50-hour a week auto mechanic gig. I didn’t have a day off. I didn’t have weekends. When I went on vacation I was vlogging and editing.

Martin Moore Milwaukee Photographer Blogger Koss Headphones

 “I needed to create a brand for myself.” Martin Moore

The point to all this work was simple, I needed to create a brand for myself. “Martin Moore” needed to not just be my name, it needed to be something that was always in the back of people’s minds; so, anytime someone needed photos, or a video “Martin Moore” was the first person that popped in their head. If I could create that, it would in turn create attention for me and my business.

The biggest contributing factor to building Martin Moore as a brand was when I finally learned the art of “Not Giving A *uck.” The one thing that held me back more than anything was me being afraid to be me. Taking myself too seriously. Letting comments and feedback from trolls and haters get to me. Pretending to be something I’m not. Everyone goes through these things when they are trying to build a personal brand, and everyone who has made it to the other side will tell you the same story. As soon as they stopped caring about what other people thought and concentrated on themselves, that’s when they discovered true creative and entrepreneurship euphoria.

The end game [for building my personal brand] was to either run my own photography/video business full time or get hired by a company I loved to do the same thing.

By the spring of 2017 all my hard work paid off. After years of tasting some success, and tasting a lot of failure, Koss approached me and brought me on to create all their content. The rest as they say, is history.

Social Media LinkedIn Pinterest Facebook Instagram YouTube Twitter

Terwelp: Did social media numbers play a big role in landing with Koss?

Moore: I’ve always concentrated on the people behind the numbers, and never the numbers themselves. By every single metric a brand measures, I am a nobody. There are golden retrievers on Instagram with more followers than me. The funny thing is, I can’t walk down the streets of Milwaukee without someone recognizing me. I am overwhelmed daily with DM’s and emails from people asking for advice, wanting to set up meeting with me or simply thanking me for inspiring them. When I go to networking events, there are lines of people waiting to talk to me; and the interesting thing is a lot of times there will be someone there with 10 times the followers standing next to me alone. So that’s what Koss saw in me, that’s what OnMilwaukee.com saw in me, and that’s what other brands and companies saw in me — my ability to produce real engagement, authentic relationships, and true influence. Koss found me from a YouTube video with 58 views. The numbers don’t matter.

Terwelp: What’s your advice for engagement?

Moore: My biggest tip for engagement: Look at social media and P2P [person-to-person] networking as a telephone not a radio. Don’t just dictate to people; create engaging content and hold conversations. Don’t just make relationships, maintain them.

Terwelp: What role did networking play in helping you make this transition happen? 

Moore: Networking was absolutely the most vital piece of the puzzle. Meeting people, getting my name out there, networking was the only way to reach people who otherwise had no clue who I was. There is nothing more valuable than word of mouth.

Wendy Terwelp Career Coach Career Transformation Martin Moore Koss Headphones

Terwelp: What was the most important thing you did to make this career transition happen?  

“Stick to my plan. Don’t pass on opportunities. Network. Work harder than everyone else.” —Martin Moore

Terwelp: What do you feel was the main benefit of transitioning from auto mechanic to content developer?  

Moore: To make sure the quote by Mae West was something I lived by, not passively consumed. To be happy.

You can listen to all the Gary Vee [Gary Vaynerchuk] podcasts you want, read books, and go to seminars, but until you find that place inside of you that motivates you to want to live your life the way you want to, the benefits of transitioning to a new career will always remain just a dream.

“Find that place inside of you that motivates you to want to live your life the way you want…” —Martin Moore

Terwelp: What advice would you recommend to others considering making a career transition?

Moore: Changing careers is scary. You’re trading comfort, competence, tenure, and stability for everything that’s the antithesis of those. We spend a third of our lives working, so if you’re one of those people who is excited for #TGIF every week because you hate your day job, you need to change that.

I’ll leave you with this: Look at that career, that job you hate as the Titanic sinking, and your dreams and goals as the shore; and in between those two points are a bunch of lifeboats. Every lifeboat is an opportunity, and every boat you get into gets you one step closer to the shore, your dream. Every opportunity you don’t take, every boat you don’t get into, there is someone right next to you, in the water, treading for their life who will gladly take your place.

Wendy Terwelp is a career transformation and networking expert who works with professionals ready to take charge of their careers and love Mondays again. Ready to rock? Let’s talk!

Photos of Martin Moore provided by Martin Moore.